so maybe my Mom was right back in high schoolMay 26, 2010
My main energies right now seem focused on going through the routines, trying not to disappoint too many people/demands/responsibilities/etc all with really just wanting to get to the end of June. While it pains me to admit it (and opens an opportunity for my Mom to tell me a resounding “I told you so!”) I think there is definitely a connection between the state of my room and my overall mood. For example my room was a complete disaster for most of the past few months, not dirty or anything, just displaying the results of my floor as desk/organizational space/closet/bookshelf method. In a fit of frustration two weeks ago, I finally cleaned it; sorted through the clothes, returned the piles of library books, shuffled the papers into new and more discrete piles, organized the shoes (which I insist on discarding right in front of my door every night), vacuumed the carpet. But now once again I am back in existing mode, which means the piles are creeping back out, the shoes clogging the doorway, and the basket of clean clothes sits neglected.
However when I say there is a connection between my mood and my room, I think the former is more of the cause than the latter. Being busy doesn’t tend to agree with me. I already have a strong tendency to low-key activities, spending time with only those I already know, retreat and escape (be it books or absorbing new television shows), so when you significantly lessen my free time, the first things to fly out the window are social activities, exercise, playing games with my housemates, photography, and keeping my room in some semblance of order. Part of me placates myself with the idea that this is temporary, my class ends on June 28th and work finishes June 11th. Surely when free time returns, my inclination to do much beyond the bare minimum of living will return.
But at the same time I know this is a pretty lame excuse, especially when you throw in the idea that life will probably only get fuller as I get older. If I think working full time and part time grad school is bad, I should probably try raising children, getting married, having a job with more responsibilities, or any number of possible “grown-up” scenarios. All this said, I don’t know that I am making any resounding declarations of intent or setting myself some new goals, but just that I think I need to be a bit more mindful of the longer-term results of how I spend my time. Despite the appeal of just watching another episode of Bones (my current favorite show ever!) before bed, maybe I need to persuade myself to choose something else, even if that is finally putting away my clean laundry.