melancholy chai with rain

September 14, 2008

It has finally stopped raining, which obviously means very little until you take into account the fact that it has been raining continually since Friday evening.  While obviously many other parts of the country are baring a much larger brunt of the Ike’s weight, here in Chicago we had the rainiest day in recorded Chicago history on Saturday.  And it was also such a strange rain, no thunderstorms, not incredibly hard, just thorough, constant and very very wet.  So now that it actually isn’t raining any more my ears are kind of confused and everything seems so quiet.

This past week has been a very long one in that I had both my evening classes, an extra hour of meeting on Tuesday night and I attended my very first high school football game on Friday night.  So far the load isn’t too heavy, but I do feel very cautious of adding anything else to my schedule at the moment.  Which is rather sad because there are other things I would like to be doing right now, such as getting involved with the church, helping get the church library going again, spending time with friends both new and old.  I have to admit the idea of going full time to school next year is awfully appealing and yet it is also hard to think of all the loans that I would have to take out to make that possible.

So overall this week was busy, good, but also rather deflating.  Like many people I occasionally find myself in those moods where it is hard to feel good about many of the details of ones life.  In these moods; “everyone is vaguely disappointed in me”, “I am too lazy”, “I can never find clothes that look good on me”, “I am too materialistic”, and of course the best one, “my life will never change”.  It is always these moods that make me want to do something different, even if it is only as radical as cutting my hair.  I have yet to find any good solutions to these moods, although I will recommend reading books that aren’t about tragic random murders.*  But I have to admit my current plan this afternoon which included successfully finishing my paper due tomorrow, making myself some chai and eating a homemade cookie is definitely helping.

*Despite In Cold Blood by Truman Capote being an incredible book that I highly recommend, reading it this past week or so has definitely not made me feel better about humanity.  Capote writes In Cold Blood as a novel length journalistic view of the 1959 killing of the Clutter family in Holcomb, Kansas.  In the book, two damaged individuals for somewhat random reasons end up shooting the family in the middle of the night, leaving two older married daughters as the sole survivors of their family.  So while it is an amazing book, I wouldn’t exactly call it an upper.



  1. Ah yes, there was lots and lots of rain in South Bend too. And I can definitely sympathize with hectic schedules and wanting to do more things. I may not have chai and a homemade cookie, but I do have Thai leftovers and some homemade Rice Krispy treats…yum….I think it’s dinner time now!

  2. oh yes, I know these moods well. i’m glad to know that others experience them as well. since another part of such a mood is “everyone else feels normal and I am the weird one.” thanks for blogging about it, and good call on the chai and cookie.

  3. whoa! i’m reading in cold blood, too!

  4. Crystal – Thai leftovers and Rice Krispy treats also sound rather perfect 🙂
    Emily – It is always good to hear about how someone else feels similarly to oneself.
    Megan – that is indeed crazy! what do you think of it? I finally finished that last little bit last night and I have to say I found it rather incredible. Now I want to see the Capote film that came out last year.

  5. I’ve never read ‘In Cold Blood’, but one of my mentors growing up was related to them. It was like her aunt and uncle or something. (cue ‘It’s a small world’) Maybe I’ll have to read it now!

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