March 26, 2006

I don’t care if that’s a word or not, but that’s kinda how I am doing right now. I mean everything is fine in my life, I had a perfectly fine weekend. But I just finished almost balling after watching Grey’s Anatomy. It was just plain tragic and not even very hopeful and so I cried. Ugh, maybe I am PMSing, but I feel like tears have been almost bubbling up continually for the past few days. Movies and tv shows are big starters oh and beautiful hymns like Breathe On Me Breath Of God, from this morning. I just find myself tearing up so quickly. I guess its okay, but I kinda wonder, am I crying at the movie/tv show? or am I crying because of something inside of me? Maybe I am over analysizing this, but I am not sure I totally like either option. Are these movies just pushing the buttons for me? Is that form of grief wrong in that it can desensitize you to real world pain? Or is it just dehydrating? But then I don’t really think I have things inside me that need to be cried about right now either. So who knows. Maybe tears are just that, water squeezed out of eyes, not indicators of more than that. Yet isn’t there something wrong with me crying about a girl who dies on a tv show, when there are lots of real life deaths so much more worthy of tears? I think the reason tv shows and movies set me off, is because they bring death home for me. I end up identifying with the characters and therefore want them to be free from pain, emotional and physical. Sure I would love the world to be free from pain too, but most of the time, those problems are bigger than I can really contemplate deeply.

Alright enough about that. In other news I went on a walk/run this sunny afternoon while listening to Beck’s Guero. I really like that album, but then that is really typical of me, considering it usually takes me a good 3-5 years to find out about really cool artists.

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