Well the weekend has once more slipped through my fingers, if I keep this up the semester will disappear faster than my head or heart really want to grasp. Of course I tended to the non-productive this weekend, I think I don’t like it when my house feels empty. Maybe I missed the Roth sisters, or maybe I just need to get out more. But I did manage to get Leah, Char and Mel interested (ie. hooked) to Alias by watching the first part of Season 1 on DVD, So the best way to watch tv, no stinkin’ stupid materialism spewing commercials!
Double potluck today with one at Assembly and one at the Will apartment. Church was really good this morning, I think I felt more like I was actually worshiping than I usually do. I mean its not like I am sitting at church trying not to think about God and talk to her, but just most of the time I end up thinking about other things. Today though was good, songs have such power to shape my spirituality. While we didn’t sing this one this morning, this line of Joyful is the Dark, remains one of my favorites:
Joyful is the dark, spirit of the deep,
winging wildly o’er the world’s creation,
silken sheen of midnight, plumage black and bright,
swooping with the beauty of a raven.
But what I found myself thinking about this morning and yesterday is my continuing quest to find contentment in where I am at and see more of the beauty around me. Cliche, I know, but I really do tend to miss out on many of the moments of my life. I know there is only so far the guilt of being wealthy, healthy and whole in a world of poverty, insanity and pain can take you, but sometimes just looking at one’s life from a bigger perspective really does help. However, guilt is definitely not enough to make one happy, one needs to find it in other means. In talking to my friend Mel about a high school friend who had just started dating for the first time in her life, I asked Mel how my friend had dealt with not dating for so long and she said, her friend never really looked or worried too much, because she knew that one day it would just happen. Now my cynical side doesn’t really want to get too much out of that, but there is something there. I think I need to get back to finding a way to trust God that love will either come into my life, or the desire for it will be lifted. My life will not be a story of wanting what I am not meant to obtain.
Let Evening Come
Let the light of late afternoon
shine through chinks in the barn, moving
up the bales as the sun moves down.
Let the cricket take up chafing
as a woman takes up her needles
and her yarn. Let evening come.
Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned
in long grass. Let the stars appear
and the moon disclose her silver horn.
Let the fox go back to its sandy den.
Let the wind die down. Let the shed
go black inside. Let evening come.
To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop
in the oats, to air in the lung
let evening come.
Let it come, as it will, and don’t
be afraid. God does not leave us
comfortless, so let evening come.
— Jane Kenyon
Mennogirl 