h1

jet’aime mon petit chou*

January 7, 2006

*I love you my little cabbage

End of week one, interesting how quickly time melds together. I realized today that I have been feeling down, at least overall for quite some time. I had one of those hallway conversations with Meryl that just ended up being really good, not easy but useful. I realized that I just might be feeling lonely right now, which is weird because I am surrounded by lots of loving friends and family. But somehow despite all that I just haven’t been really happy in a little while. I mean I was happy in China and in London too, but I think more because I was determined to be happy and to experience life through those lens. But at least since Shanghai, I just haven’t been the same. This sprung out of Meryl and my conversation about how I have been feeling like things have been rougher between us since about them. I must admit I kind of thought it a Meryl thing, but in talking with her, I realized that like many of these kind of issues is probably a me issue. Its just been weird feeling like Meryl and I haven’t connected as well recently. I don’t know the reasons or anything, but I kind of feel like I’ve been that way with a lot of my friends. Like I can’t quite understand them and they can’t quite understand me. Plus of course I haven’t had much energy in a long time. Gosh I guess my posts have been more negative as of late, but well I guess that happens. However I should also say, that I have been working more on realizing how blessed I am. And I really do feel that I am probably doing better now in so many areas of my life than I probably ever have before. But you know contentment can be a hard thing to pin down.

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2 comments

  1. I can relate to the realization of many blessings in one’s life, but still feeling down. I hope that you find ways to work though what you’re feeling, and that you discover more about the source. I love you Abby.


  2. I can simpathize with feeling a bit down and alone and not really knowing quite how to get out of it. Honestly if you got the truth from many of the SSTers I bet that you’d find many of them in the same boat. Yes it’s good to be back. Yes it’s good to be around friends I haven’t seen in those few months, and family as well. But “re-entry,” wasn’t nearly as exciting as the leaving for China. A phase of our lives we were so looking forward to is done. I do feel loss about that. It is difficult to approach this semester with as much excitement as the one before it. One–I know Goshen, two–I know how it is being in classes, three–I miss being around SSTers, and four–I don’t feel
    fully settled here yet. Honestly it helped putting up a painting I’d bought in China in the apartment’s living room (it made the place feel more like mine too). After that and living here more, and spending more time with the flatmates I feel more like this is my home, but then again I was close to these gals before I left (which has made it easier).



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