Lasik countdown: 3 days

July 18, 2005

I realized I haven’t posted anything in depth for a while, probably because I have been doing a fair amount of housesitting and well I just haven’t been in the mood. This summer has been good, although it hasn’t been living up to my expectations. Which probably indicates my expectations were too high :). But it has quickly become something in between two points, the first being may term with learning mandarin Chinese and the second being actually going to china. I am really excited about going to china, I can’t wait to go and live in another country for 3 months, to see lots of exciting landmarks, such as the great wall, the terra cotta soldiers, the forbidden city, the Yangzhe river, and many others.

But at the same time I also have this thin little undercurrent of nerves/fear/anxiety. So much of one’s experience is shaped by one’s attitude and sometimes I struggle with maintaining a good attitude even in the best of settings. One example of this would be when I probably 8 or so and our family traveled to New York. We went to see the statue of liberty and I thought of course that my 8 year old legs would have no problem climbing the hundreds of stairs up to the crown of the statue, my parents wisely thought better of this and so I ended up staying at the base with Jonathan and my Mom. I of course was so mad, I pouted for the rest of the day. In fact when my Mom tried to take a picture of Jonathan and I looking out over the wall, I refused to turn around. Which resulted in a picture of my 8 year old back and Jonathan next to me with his buzz cut, little 6 year old belly and a somewhat solemn expression on his face.

However this pattern of allowing my attitude to shape my experience continued into high school where on a amazing 3 week family vacation extravaganza (we drove north into Canada, stopped at Niagara Falls, traveled east to Prince Edward Island, turned south down into Maine, drove through new England to Pennsylvania for a family reunion, continued south down into South Carolina where we volunteered for a few days at a African American church that was being rebuilt after the series of racist arson attacks that occurred in the South during the 1990s) I couldn’t stop complaining. Now part of this could be blamed on my huge sinus infection, that resulted in me spending countless hours drugged out in the tent, but part of this was also my own decision to make myself miserable. Although is should also be noted that this was the vacation in which my Dad read the entire Lord of the Rings series outloud to our family, which was and still is in the top 20 events of my life. However listening to Frodo and Samwise struggle through Mordor, while lying half drugged out in the back seat as we drove into PA would also be in the top worst moments of my life.

As I have grown older, I have worked at getting over this way of allowing my attitude to dictate my experience, but it remains a challenge. I think in some ways another main reason that this summer has not been as amazing as originally thought is because of how my attitude shapes my perceptions. Because obviously this also effects my social life, it gets really hard for me to interact with people I don’t know as well, when I can’t seem to get into a positive attitude. And then of course when I don’t hang out with people as much it can quickly slip into the vicious cycle of “nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m gonna go eat worms”

It is kinda interesting, because this isn’t at all what I was gonna post, but then hey blogging as therapy, not exactly the newest idea in the book.

In other news I received and devoured Harry Potter 6, it was amazing. I laughed, I cried, I loved it. Special Note to Katie: I would love to analyze it/chat about it with you. Last night Tara finally called me (she had finished it too) and we talked about it for probably close to 2 hours!
As for my own review of it, I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, but it really was great. Rowling does such a great job of giving the reader both the expected and the unexpected, also it is so much fun to guess how she is going to pull off the rest of the plot that is going to be shoved into the final book. I think a finer analysis of the book will have to wait until I give it a second more relaxed read through. But currently, cheerios to JK Rowling!

Oh and about the Lasik, I am going under the knife (actually the laser in this case) on Thursday morning. My dad gets to drive me up to South Bend for my 8:45 surgery time! So I would really appreciate your thoughts and prayers then, because as much as I am not worried about the surgery, I still really don’t like how I will be awake the whole time. But I also can’t wait to be rid of glasses and contacts forever (or at least until my late 50s when I will probably need reading glasses)



  1. are summers ever the way one wants them to be?

    2 more things:

    1. everyone i’ve talked to is nervous about china. i’m terrified. you are perfectly normal in that respect.

    2. my first reaction when i got to the end of reading the new harry potter: “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!” i’m also impressed with rowling.

  2. I know exactly what you mean about the attitude thing. I’m scared about China too, and alot for the same reason. I can’t wait to read the new Harry Potter, I’ve heard nothing but good 🙂

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