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dilatation and other joyful occurrences

June 20, 2005

Do you ever get in one of those phases where it feels like you can’t do anything right? Today is sort of one of those, from the mild scolding from my maple scholars advisor about getting 40 hours in every week, to the difficulty scheduling eye check-ups, to the everything else. I just feel like everyone sees me as this slacker who floats through life without working hard. While I do have lazy tendencies, I try really really hard to fight them and I would like to put in 40 hours a week with Maple Scholars, however I have 12 hours a week of babysitting, and various other commitments that I also have to take care of. Including housesiting for the Holsopples, taking care of their dog, getting my room in order for guests, attending Central District conference, small group (which I am going to miss again this week!), and everything else in life. Gosh darn it, I don’t like feeling like I am not doing enough for Maple Scholars, I put in 37 hours last week and I know that is more than others put in and yet I feel so guilty about it. Probably because I care so much about what Jan thinks about me and my research and it is hard when I feel like she is disappointed in me.

Ugggghhhhhhhhh.

Good news is though, that I might get to talk to Becca on the phone tonight!!!! Which I would love to do, cause I miss her.

Well I should get back to Maple Scholar’s work, considering I will be missing some time for a conference this week. But because I got my eyes dilated I can barely even see what I am typing and I am already leaning back in this chair.

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